The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
