Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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