btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.