i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Small penises have feelings too.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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