I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
