Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You have to summon your inner elephant
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
