I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
