yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
