I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
