I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
