Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
