I cannot find my penis.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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