you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
