brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
