Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
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Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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