I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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