please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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