So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
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The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
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What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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