Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Watching her eat just hurts me
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
