she woke up with a sticky ear
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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