If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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