K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
