No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Come share oat with me in your robe
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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