mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
