I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
