There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
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no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
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I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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