She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
