i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
