it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
