I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
