Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
