meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
