I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
