I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
