you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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