i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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