ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
