Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
