Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My liver just had a heart attack.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
