If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
