ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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