that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
