and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
