we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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