I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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