i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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