I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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