is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
