i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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