"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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