I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
