I hate all girls vehemently.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
