if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
