You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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