I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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