He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
