im drinking this country out of the recession.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
