STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
