Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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