stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
