Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
