quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
