Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
