Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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