Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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