I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
