she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
