According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
