ya dads aren't the best wingmen
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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