dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
