Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
