.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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