Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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