i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
