Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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