I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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