just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
