question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
