the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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